Over the years, one meditation practice has given me more than any other: metta meditation (or loving-kindness meditation).
There is seemingly not much to it, just a series of wishes for another person and yourself.
“May you be happy, may you be free, may you be at peace.”
There are other forms, slightly different, but the core idea is the same – during the practice, at the beginning at least, I would wish these to someone I care about deeply, to myself, to someone I’m neutral about and even someone I have negative feelings for.
I started this meditation roughly around the end of a very difficult relationship, where I was both finding it difficult to manage my emotions and was unsure about the way my meditation journey was proceeding.
After that relationship ended, I often reflected on whether I was in a genuinely spiritual place, or had I simply built up a spiritual ego by trying to stay in the harmful relationship. And the metta meditation came at the right time – not to answer the question, but as a means for me to rebuild my self-worth that wasn’t dependent on the relationship continuing or my spiritual identity.
When I first learnt about this meditation, I was quick to think that in all likelihood, the majority of practitioners (including me), will both have the most trouble wishing themselves these gifts, but also would benefit the most.
I am uncertain on the mechanism on how it works, but I’d reckon it’s similar to that of manifestation. In the majority of cases, if a person wishes themselves bad things (by holding onto negative feelings, beliefs, deprecating their own inner being), those “wishes” often come true. I.e. we manifest what we reinforce.
If, for example, I tell myself daily I’m unworthy, I’ll act accordingly – avoid opportunities, choose to accept the minimum etc. And metta is the opposite – my daily practice reinforces my worthiness, peace, happiness, freedom until those become the baseline of how I engage with the world.
After practising this for a while, often changing the other people mentioned, some I had unpleasant feelings for, some who matter to me a lot, I also added another practice similar to a manifestation rather than just kindness and gratitude.
Since I was having problems with my self worth at the time, I would have a series of things I would say to myself daily – I am worthy of x, of y and z.
At first, I wanted to convince myself that I deserved these things – “I am worthy of love, of being cherished, of being motivated and driven, of being big and expansive.”
That was ego work, rebuilding my self-worth. Later, I shifted to present tense statements. “I am loved and cherished, I am motivated, work hard and find meaning in it, I am big and take up space” etc. Not aspirational, not defensive – just noting things that are true right now.
The specific things matter less than the practice itself. I chose “I work hard and find meaning in it” because I was avoiding work and felt unfulfilled. For someone else, the specific words will be different – whatever addresses their struggle or stage of growth.
But whether it’s metta meditation, or the manifestation – both build gratitude and appreciation of what I am working on daily, whether it’s my work, how I engage with life, how I overcome challenges, things I need and desire from both my ego and my internal self. All of this gets grounded in love and kindness to my whole.
And over time, almost two years, the things I keep repeating came true. I do work hard now and I find meaning in it. My self-worth is not tied to external validation and I feel loved and cared for by friends and family. And the kindness and love I feel for the world – and for myself – survives, despite the many hard things happening.
